About "Senioritis"
"It's a senior thing," I told everybody, including myself. "Every senior in high school hates everybody else and doesn't care."
Yep. I was -- AM -- like that. I, the Christian who believes that everybody should love each other, hated everybody in senior year. I was a hypocrite. I acted as though I loved God, but I hated everybody around me, except those who I thought were nice to me. I was mean, hateful, and I didn't care.
It wasn't until this past Sunday that, while I was at a teen activity, I shouldn't be like that.
Me and a few others were at a table talking, and my friend B said, "Oh yeah, and you said you hated everybody."
I responded, "Still do."
Then pretty much everybody at the table said, "We feel the same about you." One guy even ventured to say, "I always hated you the most."
At first, I shook it off (thanks to T.S.) and didn't think about it until later that night, but even then I was like, "Oh well. Haters gonna hate."
Go back to around 9:45 Sunday morning. My youth pastor was making teen announcements in Sunday school when he passed around a sign-up sheet for an activity in September. He said I could go as a sponsor. "Woo-hoo!" I thought.
Now think ahead to Wednesday night while I was at church. I signed up for the activity and wrote "sponsor" next to my name. A thought came into my head. With all this information I have just given you, what do you think I was thinking?
I was thinking, "Great. Now they're gonna hate me more now that I'm officially a sponsor and they're gonna think that I'm gonna rub it in their faces and boast about it like Percy Weasley did."
Since then I've been thinking: Do I really want to be that person in youth group whom everybody hated? Do I really want to be remembered as that person who hated everybody? Today I had a lot of time to think (I got the day off work 'cause I'm sick). If I'm gonna be an official leader in youth group, shouldn't I be the kind of person who everybody wants to hang out with, who's remembered as loving everybody?
I do want to be that person. I honestly do. I let my "senioritis" excuse get to me and I let it apply to my life. I always thought that I'm not the person who would make a difference to people, but rather that person who would be remembered only for than playing piano and singing in church. I want to be remembered as the person who loved everybody, who showed Christ. I want to be loved by people. People don't know that I'm like Draco Malfoy: I hide my true feelings by acting rudely and hatefully, and that makes people scared of me. Now, I don't have a family on the dark side like Draco, but like Draco, I don't know how else to behave because whenever I've opened up to people, they haven't listened and taken me seriously because "opening up to people makes you vulnerable and vulnerability makes you weak." I've always been the shoulder, but haven't been willing to cry on one. I offer myself as a shoulder, then expect other people to offer their shoulders. When they do say, "You know if you need to talk I'm here," I feel like I would just take advantage of them, as people take advantage of me. Man! I hate being a girl and being so confused.
I want to be that person who's remembered as loving Christ and showing that love to other people. I really do. I don't want people to hate me. I do care about what others think of me. I do care about them.
I'm sorry, friends who I've treated as people I hate. I'm sorry, people at church who I've said I've hated. I'm sorry, Jesus.
My point is: Don't let senioritis take over. Don't let hate enter your life. Care. Care about what people think of you; care about people. As my former principal would say, "It's cool to care."
Yep. I was -- AM -- like that. I, the Christian who believes that everybody should love each other, hated everybody in senior year. I was a hypocrite. I acted as though I loved God, but I hated everybody around me, except those who I thought were nice to me. I was mean, hateful, and I didn't care.
It wasn't until this past Sunday that, while I was at a teen activity, I shouldn't be like that.
Me and a few others were at a table talking, and my friend B said, "Oh yeah, and you said you hated everybody."
I responded, "Still do."
Then pretty much everybody at the table said, "We feel the same about you." One guy even ventured to say, "I always hated you the most."
At first, I shook it off (thanks to T.S.) and didn't think about it until later that night, but even then I was like, "Oh well. Haters gonna hate."
Go back to around 9:45 Sunday morning. My youth pastor was making teen announcements in Sunday school when he passed around a sign-up sheet for an activity in September. He said I could go as a sponsor. "Woo-hoo!" I thought.
Now think ahead to Wednesday night while I was at church. I signed up for the activity and wrote "sponsor" next to my name. A thought came into my head. With all this information I have just given you, what do you think I was thinking?
I was thinking, "Great. Now they're gonna hate me more now that I'm officially a sponsor and they're gonna think that I'm gonna rub it in their faces and boast about it like Percy Weasley did."
Since then I've been thinking: Do I really want to be that person in youth group whom everybody hated? Do I really want to be remembered as that person who hated everybody? Today I had a lot of time to think (I got the day off work 'cause I'm sick). If I'm gonna be an official leader in youth group, shouldn't I be the kind of person who everybody wants to hang out with, who's remembered as loving everybody?
I do want to be that person. I honestly do. I let my "senioritis" excuse get to me and I let it apply to my life. I always thought that I'm not the person who would make a difference to people, but rather that person who would be remembered only for than playing piano and singing in church. I want to be remembered as the person who loved everybody, who showed Christ. I want to be loved by people. People don't know that I'm like Draco Malfoy: I hide my true feelings by acting rudely and hatefully, and that makes people scared of me. Now, I don't have a family on the dark side like Draco, but like Draco, I don't know how else to behave because whenever I've opened up to people, they haven't listened and taken me seriously because "opening up to people makes you vulnerable and vulnerability makes you weak." I've always been the shoulder, but haven't been willing to cry on one. I offer myself as a shoulder, then expect other people to offer their shoulders. When they do say, "You know if you need to talk I'm here," I feel like I would just take advantage of them, as people take advantage of me. Man! I hate being a girl and being so confused.
I want to be that person who's remembered as loving Christ and showing that love to other people. I really do. I don't want people to hate me. I do care about what others think of me. I do care about them.
I'm sorry, friends who I've treated as people I hate. I'm sorry, people at church who I've said I've hated. I'm sorry, Jesus.
My point is: Don't let senioritis take over. Don't let hate enter your life. Care. Care about what people think of you; care about people. As my former principal would say, "It's cool to care."
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