Personal Call

One of the most commonly used verses of Scripture for sermons on fulfilling God’s call is Isaiah 6:8 – “And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then I said, ‘Here I am! Send me’” (ESV). While I have often heard this verse used to guilt-trip believers into becoming evangelists and missionaries, I believe that this verse is about more than evangelism. I believe that it is more general in the sense that it is about fulfilling God’s call for the individual believer. It takes courage to surrender to God and His calling, which is why this verse can be so powerful. There have been times that I have said no to my calling, too afraid of what people would think me, making excuses. There have also been times that I have obeyed God despite my fear and pain; it was those times that I grew closer to Christ and my calling became more clear. There have also been times that I thought God’s call was something else than what it actually was. My journey to discovering God’s call for my life was long and arduous, beginning when I was seven years old, continuing to just a few days ago.

God’s initial call can look like the simplest thing. When I was seven years old, my sister and I were playing dress-up, and I decided to dress in something that made me look like what I thought a teacher looked like. Once I saw myself in a mirror, I felt something in me say, “This is what I should do. Be a teacher.” It was at that moment I decided I would become a teacher, and it was further confirmed through middle school when I wanted to be a middle school teacher.

I felt this particular calling on my life throughout my adolescent years. When I was about fourteen or fifteen, I discovered that I was not the best at teaching skills, like playing piano. However, I found that I was good at teaching Bible lessons and verses to children. In sixth grade, I found myself being a junior teacher for girls in my AWANA Truth and Training club at church. Beginning in ninth grade, I was assistant teaching during my church’s summer VBS program and AWANA Cubbies and Sparks clubs. I would fulfill these roles throughout high school until senior year, when I became the snack lady so I could concentrate more on school.

During high school, not only was I involved in several children’s ministries, but I volunteered at a church camp in the summer between junior and senior years. In February 2016, the director of a church camp in Wisconsin visited my church to advertise a program for teenagers called T.E.A.M., which is an acronym for “teens entering active ministry.” During the service, I felt Holy Spirit nudge me into asking for more information about the program, and I did when the service ended. After getting the information I needed, I prayed about it, talked to my parents about it, and planned it. I was going to serve at a church camp for a month in the summer.

During this month of ministry, I thrived. I was reading my Bible every day, talking with my peers about what we read in Scripture, and doing hard labor. For one week, I was an assistant counselor for one of the cabins, and I loved it. I knew that this was something I could do for the rest of my life. So, when I entered senior year, I planned classes that would take me on a course to becoming a teacher or humanitarian. I applied for college scholarships that were designed for those who planned to become humanitarians and social workers. Then came the first challenge.

When I told my parents that I wanted to be a ministry worker or humanitarian, they told me that they would rather I find a career that would be able to keep me steady financially. After some thinking, I decided that I would follow their advice. My Print Media class was the best option for me. Originally, I took it as an elective because I had a keen interest in photography. However, as the class progressed, I found myself becoming good at marketing and web design. I had become so successful in web design that I was one of the co-editors for the student-run school newspaper website. I had been designing and writing my own blogs since I was twelve or thirteen, so I found that web design was my niche, as opposed to writing, advertising, or photography. As a result, I decided that that would be my career that could keep me financially stable and able to volunteer as a humanitarian on the weekends. It seemed a perfect compromise.

To save money for college, I took a gap year and worked at McDonald’s, where I am still employed today. Within the first six months, I earned a promotion and was voted the best at what I did. I was no longer a member of the regular crew – I was a crew trainer. This meant more responsibility on my part because I had to teach new employees, hold other crew trainers responsible, work twice as hard, know how to handle rude or difficult guests, work well with the managers, and be a good example. It was something I adjusted to well, and soon I would find that a few of the managers wanted me to become a manager. I will come back to this in a moment.

I believe that Christians have a gut instinct as well as Holy Spirit as a Guide. During senior year of high school, I was planning to attend Dallas Baptist University for web design, but it just did not sit well with me. Whenever something does not sit right with me, I pray about it to find the source of the problem and a solution for it. When I prayed about DBU, I found that I decided on that university because it made the most logical sense at the time; I had not prayed about going to DBU at all. I found Grace Christian University as part of God’s call to my life. I prayed about it, I visited, and it sat well with me. I knew this was the university for me, even though it did not have a web design program.

During my first semester attending GCU, my advisor and I were making plans for me to attend another local university for dual enrollment so that I could have the web design classes and the Christian education that I wanted. However, one night during a study session with some of my friends, I found that I was good at giving advice, had a heart for social work, and found a niche in my psychology class. My most inward desire to help people had not faded one bit. So, after speaking with the on-campus counselor about a career change, I decided to change my major to psychology to become a counselor. I finally said yes to that calling to help people. Since that small moment of clarity, I have been getting a clearer view of my calling. I have found what demographic to work with – women – and for what purpose – healing. 

During the summer after my freshman year at GCU, I went back to my crew training job at McDonald’s. It was also during this time that two managers who had invested in me most had begun to push for me to become a manager. I denied several times, excusing that I did not want more responsibility, I did not want to deal with more rude customers, I did not want to work at a higher standard. I would not budge to them, but they kept coming to me. I kept saying no, but they still bugged me.

Towards the end of the summer, I had been asked by the kitchen staff at GCU to become a student supervisor, which meant more responsibilities. I applied for the job and was accepted. It was also during the beginning of the semester that GCU’s Campus Ministries Coordinator Jim Gamble and Associate Vice President Kyle Bohl led a Bible study group for students who were interested in leadership. I began to connect the dots: 1) My managers wanted me to become a manager; 2) I was now a student supervisor in the kitchen; and 3) there was now a Bible study group on leadership. God must have been sending signs to me that He wanted me to be a leader or manager of some kind! I finally gave in and told my managers that I was interested in beginning manager training during Christmas break.

It was during the second semester of my sophomore year that I began taking leadership classes at GCU. (At this point, I had become an online student at GCU.) I thought it was odd to take leadership classes for a psychology degree. It was also during this time of my leadership classes that I was training to become a manager at McDonald’s. The timing was perfect, and I was learning much of the same things from both educational services. Not only was I going to learn how to be a manager, but a leader! The difference between a manager and a leader was something I learned in my first leadership class, and I could not have been more thrilled.

Until recently, I thought that those classes were useful for my management position at McDonald’s. Until recently, I thought that I was on my way to becoming a trauma counselor for women. Throughout my tenure as a psychology student, I have felt this nagging in the back of my head that I should be a leader. In the past, this nagging voice in my head meant that God was trying to tell me something. But I ignored it and pushed it out of my mind, just as I had ignored and pushed my managers away. I was set on becoming a counselor, just as I was set on not attaining more responsibilities at work. Then I read chapter seven of H. G. Scott’s Dare Mighty Things.

It was this chapter that God used as a revelation to say, “Hey, I want you to become a leader for change.” I have long desired for the world to change, and I have let God change me to live a life consistent with my faith and beliefs. I am unashamed to say that I am a proud feminist, hippie, social justice warrior, etc. I let myself become defined by these things because I knew that they would turn heads and maybe change others. I have long desired to help change the world. I believe that was the root desire for becoming a humanitarian and counselor – to make others’ lives better for a better tomorrow.

So, what is my calling? We have gone through teacher, humanitarian, web designer, counselor, and now leader for change. I believe that instead of becoming a counselor, as I have been stuck on since late 2018, I want to become a leader of a Christian organization for women. I still believe I was called to minister to women and especially to help them heal. But instead of being a counselor, I want to be a director. I want to help others help women. I do not want to be leader of a movement. I just want to lead small; I want to educate people on domestic violence; I want to get my master’s degree in organizational leadership. I want to disciple people so that they can go out and disciple.

When I finally opened the door to God’s knocking, I still was not sure if leadership was for me. So, I did what Scott (2014) recommended, and that was to ask people about what they thought my natural and spiritual gifts and talents are (p. 135). One person said that I am empathetic, have a missional mindset, and put others’ needs before my own (Kunz, C., personal communication, April 21, 2021). Another has said before that, as a manager, I know the people I work with, I know where they work best, I consider their mental health and abilities, and try to develop friendships with them (Nunn, P., personal communication, n.d.). I also decided to look back on my own history. Since sixth grade, I have held some kind of leadership position – teacher, assistant teacher, assistant counselor, co-editor, crew trainer, student supervisor, and manager. I did not ask for these roles – they were handed to me because I was a good example, a hard worker, a quality worker, a go-getter, reliable, trustworthy, and a perfectionist. If all of those things (natural and spiritual gifts and talents, history, aforementioned signs) are not God calling me to become a leader, I do not know what is. There is a song that I believe is applicable now: “Here I am, Lord / Is it I, Lord? / I have heard You calling in the night / I will go, Lord / Where You lead me / I will hold Your people in my heart” (Talbot, 1997).

References

Scott, H. G. (2014). Dare mighty things: Mapping the challenges of leadership for Christian women. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Talbot, J. M. (1997). Here I am, Lord. On Table of Plenty. Berryville, Arkansas: Troubadour for the Lord. 

References

Scott, H. G. (2014). Dare mighty things: Mapping the challenges of leadership for Christian women. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Talbot, J. M. (1997). Here I am, Lord. On Table of Plenty. Berryville, Arkansas: Troubadour for the Lord.