Lost
I'm not going to college right away. As you already know, I'm a high school graduate. I decided during my senior year to take a year off, find a job, get some real world experience, earn money for college, and find what I want to do with my life. Well, so far I have completed all five of my goals.
Cool. What now?
Well, that's where the problem is. I have recently (like, today) found myself lost.
Since right before graduation back in May, I decided to go to Dallas Baptist University in Texas. At first, I was excited. I knew the Lord was leading me there because I prayed about it and I had peace about this college. I updated all my social media bios with "DBU Class of 2022." I followed DBU on my social media sites, applied for scholarships, and got settled into the beliefs that I was going there next fall. Boy! I was excited!
But after a while of thinking about college, preparing for classes, etc., I slowly began to realize that it was going to be tough. I was moving all the way down to Texas (I live up by Lake Michigan); my mom was going to be missing me so badly (she cried during the last few weeks of school because I was growing up); I was going to be taking A LOT of classes during my 4-year experience because of my major (Graphic Design/Marketing). And don't even get me started on how my family was going to afford DBU. We are having a hard time as it is financially right now. I was worried. I was beginning to doubt whether God wanted me to go there.
But I just told myself, "Oh, if it's God's will, He'll make a way. Just have faith, and He'll provide." And that comforted me for a few weeks. I mean, I leapt out in faith in making the decision to go there, what could hurt to rely on Him for the really important things?
Then my parents started getting involved. They knew I was planning to go to DBU and they wanted me to do things right: make sure they have a work program so that that will help pay for college; make sure they are regionally accredited; make sure they line up with the Word of God in their beliefs (but, of course, I looked at those even before I was interested in them); etc.
I'll admit it: their involvement in my college choice really made me doubt whether God wanted me to go there. You might argue that I'm such a submissive type to my parents and authority that I'm afraid to tell them my choices and feelings because I'm afraid of their reactions. And I am that kind of person. But even before their involvement, I began to doubt. Their involvement just got things rolling down the hill.
And tonight on the way to church, I told my mom. I told her that I was having doubts about DBU, that I didn't think that God was leading me there anymore, that I didn't know what to do.
And now I'm lost. I still don't know what to do. I know this: I'm not going to Dallas Baptist University unless I give more thought and time to that decision, because last time I made that decision, I jumped right into it without the right thoughts (I truly thought about it, but not the right kind of thoughts). So, now I have no college to call my future Alma Mater.
I am totally lost. I broke down crying in church tonight because I realized I was lost because I didn't truly listen to God, His Word, and I didn't acknowledge the wisdom that I have open access to: my parents; wise, older friends; my pastor.
Now what? I keep asking myself. Right now, the only future I have is at McD's and Heaven once I die.
What do I do?
Cool. What now?
Well, that's where the problem is. I have recently (like, today) found myself lost.
Since right before graduation back in May, I decided to go to Dallas Baptist University in Texas. At first, I was excited. I knew the Lord was leading me there because I prayed about it and I had peace about this college. I updated all my social media bios with "DBU Class of 2022." I followed DBU on my social media sites, applied for scholarships, and got settled into the beliefs that I was going there next fall. Boy! I was excited!
But after a while of thinking about college, preparing for classes, etc., I slowly began to realize that it was going to be tough. I was moving all the way down to Texas (I live up by Lake Michigan); my mom was going to be missing me so badly (she cried during the last few weeks of school because I was growing up); I was going to be taking A LOT of classes during my 4-year experience because of my major (Graphic Design/Marketing). And don't even get me started on how my family was going to afford DBU. We are having a hard time as it is financially right now. I was worried. I was beginning to doubt whether God wanted me to go there.
But I just told myself, "Oh, if it's God's will, He'll make a way. Just have faith, and He'll provide." And that comforted me for a few weeks. I mean, I leapt out in faith in making the decision to go there, what could hurt to rely on Him for the really important things?
Then my parents started getting involved. They knew I was planning to go to DBU and they wanted me to do things right: make sure they have a work program so that that will help pay for college; make sure they are regionally accredited; make sure they line up with the Word of God in their beliefs (but, of course, I looked at those even before I was interested in them); etc.
I'll admit it: their involvement in my college choice really made me doubt whether God wanted me to go there. You might argue that I'm such a submissive type to my parents and authority that I'm afraid to tell them my choices and feelings because I'm afraid of their reactions. And I am that kind of person. But even before their involvement, I began to doubt. Their involvement just got things rolling down the hill.
And tonight on the way to church, I told my mom. I told her that I was having doubts about DBU, that I didn't think that God was leading me there anymore, that I didn't know what to do.
And now I'm lost. I still don't know what to do. I know this: I'm not going to Dallas Baptist University unless I give more thought and time to that decision, because last time I made that decision, I jumped right into it without the right thoughts (I truly thought about it, but not the right kind of thoughts). So, now I have no college to call my future Alma Mater.
I am totally lost. I broke down crying in church tonight because I realized I was lost because I didn't truly listen to God, His Word, and I didn't acknowledge the wisdom that I have open access to: my parents; wise, older friends; my pastor.
Now what? I keep asking myself. Right now, the only future I have is at McD's and Heaven once I die.
What do I do?
Comments
So all in all, this beautiful place of the unknown is such a precious place to be in. Don't rush it. "Hurry" is from the Devil.
Although it's SSOOOO much easier said than done, try to enjoy this season as you discover what it is God has for you.